TNGPTB 3 A SameCell Wedding
by Cotton Candy Zarbon
Summary: Goku, Vegeta and Piccolo go in search of Gohan...to bring him back to earth . . .


WARNINGS: Another story of misadventure in hell.... Extremely OOC characters in this one...except for the three travelers.... Implied stuff in this one.... hell, a lot of implied stuff.... Also the use of the *f* word further along in the story.... mild cussing throughout... O . o  
  
STORY #3 IN THE SERIES THERE'S NO GAYER PLACE TO BE...  
  
A SAME-CELL WEDDING a.k.a. some seriously insane shit . . .  
  
By Jessica Massey a.k.a. Cotton Candy Zarbon March 18, 2004  
  
Since Gohan's mysterious disappearance, Goku had been very worried about his son...unaware that he had died...even though he attended the funeral . . .  
  
Goku decided to send a telepathic message to King Kai. Hey, King Kai! Do you know where Gohan is?  
  
On his planet King Kai heard Goku's question . . . What?! I'm kinda busy at the moment...he had been telling Bubbles a new 'joke'...even though it didn't involve talking....Gohan, did you say? He's fine down in hell and he is now part of a very famous clothing designer's....um...show. Goku, don't worry about him...I sent him his own fairy godmother.  
  
Oh, really? That sounds great but I would like to visit him. Do you think that you could arrange it?  
  
Sorry Goku, but I can't do that...but you can go 'visit' him....if you kill yourself....  
  
Ok, no problem! I'll be seeing him in a short bit, then.  
  
King Kai had failed to mention that Goku wouldn't be able to return to life, even with the dragon balls....but we must forgive him....he had other things on his...um...mind.... o . 0  
  
Vegeta was supposed to go over to Kakarrot's house for some sparring....they did this everyday. Just as he was arriving, he saw Goku fixing to shoot himself in the head with a gun...  
  
"Kakarrot! What are you doing idiot? Trying to get yourself killed?" he said, a little too enthusiastically....  
  
"Why yes, Vegeta. As a matter of fact I am... I am going to hell to visit Gohan. Would you like to join me? Perhaps we would see some of our former enemies." Vegeta, not to be outdone, quickly agreed that this would be a good training opportunity. Besides, he had nothing better to do and he did have a few scores to settle....  
  
A few miles away, Piccolo had been meditating over a waterfall....of course....and had heard Goku's conversation with King Kai. "So, Gohan's down in hell....I must see if I can help get him out of there....I do miss him so..." He arrived at Son Goku's house a little after Vegeta. Well, since all three wanted to kill themselves they came up with a clever plan. Each had a gun in hand, standing in a triangle, they aimed at the head of the person to their right....then they fired....all three died at the same time....  
  
When it came to their time to see King Yemma, they implored to him that they must go to hell....he reluctantly agreed....not that he had any problems sending people to eternal damnation....the fashion shows are very interesting....  
  
How surprised they were when they reached hell and saw Cell....in a kilt that showed a little too much of his 'perfect' body....sitting in a beautiful meadow...making flower tiaras out of the flowers he had picked.... Not looking up at the strangers he said, "Hi sirs (there weren't any women in hell....), would you like to buy one of these lovely tiaras? They are only five dollars." You can imagine Goku, Vegeta, and Piccolo's faces.  
  
"Um...no, Cell....we don't want any tiaras....they are ver lovely but we don't have any money," Goku told him sadly. Shocked Cell looked up and saw his three former enemies. Jumping up he regains his composure. He then ran over and before they could even think about stopping them, he grabbed them in a big....hug.... Goku hugged him back...he had always found it hard to hold grudges for very long.  
  
"Son Goku, my you're looking even more handsome than the last time I saw you."  
  
"And Cell I'm glad to see you've pulled yourself together..." Goku said nicely. Piccolo and Vegeta just looked at each other....to make sure they were both seeing this...  
  
"We're off to find Gohan. Have you seen him around?"  
  
"Actually, yes I have, Son Goku! He's over there beyond that big hill." After a sweet departing, they took leave of Cell. Of course they soon saw Raditz sitting outside of his 'hole' puffing away... Nappa joined the four as they sat down to 'tea'. Vegeta had laughed until he cried at the sight of the two Saiyan warriors in neon green bikinis. He also thought the idea of the two together entertaining....but not surprising....  
  
When Goku had asked about his son, Raditz replied, "Why little brother, we saw him just the other day. He's such a good model. He is over in Amethyst 'City'."  
  
"Would you like to come with us Raditz...and Nappa?"  
  
"That is a most generous offer but I'm afraid we must decline. We were wondering though if Prince Vegeta would like to stay here so we could catch up on things..." All the while Raditz had been staring at Vegeta....with a hunger in his eyes o . 0 ....  
  
"What the hell do you think, asshole? Never would I want to stay here with you. These five minutes have already been too much," Vegeta yelled at his former subject.  
  
"Sorry, Prince Vegeta. I just thought that we might could...talk...for old times' sake," Raditz said, genuinely hurt. "Amethyst 'City' is not that hard to find....just stay on the path that is on the other side of this hill and you will reach it shortly." Goku waved good-bye to his brother and Nappa.  
  
Silent, Vegeta and Piccolo left with Goku.  
  
They got lost. You think it wouldn't be that hard to find a giant purple stage...but unfortunately Goku was the one leading them... Both Piccolo and Vegeta should have known better than to trust him with directions....  
  
For a while they wandered around until they found a giant castle...a giant purple castle, to be exact... Unlike most men, they decided to stop and ask for directions to Amethyst 'City'....  
  
Knocking on the door, Goku stepped back and waited for an answer. Vegeta then received the biggest shock in his entire life and afterlife. It was worse than being beat shitless fifty times by Kakarrot. The door had been answered by his father, King Vegeta, in a lavender bikini....he was shocked beyond belief....but the worst thing about it was who stepped up beside his father....King Cold....in his signature yellow bikini....  
  
Never before having seen Goku, Vegeta or Piccolo King Cold said, "Who's at the door, Veggikins?" The three were embarrassed for the sake of King Vegeta and King Cold.  
  
"Honey, I would like for you to meet my son, Vegeta. I'm assuming that the other two are his 'friends'. Please do come in, son. It's been such a very long time. Perhaps we could become reacquainted after all these years." Still in shock, the three said nothing.  
  
The first to recover was Goku and trying to be as possible he bluntly refused. "If it's ok, we were just looking for Amethyst 'City'. We seem to be lost."  
  
"We aren't doing anything right now (that can't wait, that is)...would you like for us to take you there ourselves?"  
  
"FATHER! I WILL NOT BE SEEN WITH YOU LIKE THIS! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MIGHTY KING OF THE SAIYANS? WHAT HAS DROVE HIM TO....THIS?" Vegeta suddenly yelled, having finally come out of shock.  
  
Surprised, King Vegeta sadly said, "Vegeta, I haven't seen you for so long and now you come here to yell at me? This is not fair..." and the big man broke down crying on the shoulder of his 'honey'....  
  
"There, there, Veggikins. Would you like for me to make this mean boy leave?" Still sobbing, King Vegeta shook his head. "It's ok, just give them the directions." Having received the directions from the giant in a bikini, the three gladly headed in the right direction.  
  
Vegeta had not said anything for a long time, so Goku decided to try to cheer him up. "Come on Vegeta, it isn't all that bad....the color looked very nice on him, to tell you the truth...."  
  
Infuriated Vegeta shouted, "Damn you, Kakarrot! How would you like to see your father in a bikini?" Piccolo just remained silent....or normal....throughout the whole thing.  
  
As they traveled along, they saw many strange sights. They saw a familiar pink enemy 'playing' with a puppy. They also saw the Spice Boys playing 'Hide and Go Seek', which left them with the feeling that they needed to wash their mind out.... Bibidi and Babidi seemed to be having a tea party with Garlic Jr. Behind a boulder they spotted Dodoria and the fairy godmother, Dabura, wrestling....tongue wrestling, that is....  
  
Goku whispered, "I thought Dabura was in heaven. What's with the dress and those wings? Oh well..." and they continued on....  
  
Some of the local residents were laying out....trying to get a tan....when there's no sun... All knew that is was just a clever way to show off their goods...especially since all of them were wearing thongs.... o _ 0  
  
These tanners included the Fab Five (formerly known as the Ginyu Force), Android 17 (of course), Android 19 (disturbingly enough), all of the Cell Jrs. (wtf?), Pui Pui, Yakon (why, dear Dende, why?), and Bardock...  
  
Since Goku had never seen his father, he just passed all of them by without stopping. Unfortunately, Vegeta did recognize Bardock and started laughing. Piccolo and Goku stopped to stare at the Saiyan prince.  
  
"What's wrong with you, Vegeta?" asked Goku after some time had passed and Vegeta was still laughing.  
  
"Kakarrot, you shit head! That's your...ha ha ha....father!" Goku spun around to see who Vegeta was talking about.  
  
"Really? I had wondered why he looked like me..."  
  
Bardock, recognizing his son...., went over to greet the travelers. Extremely unfortunate for them, the Saiyan....in his hurry....had caused the string on his thong to break....and it fell off. Bardock...not noticing because this was a regular thing....made his way over to the three.  
  
Vegeta laughed even harder as he said, "Hmmm....Bardock.....must be cold out..." Remember, they were in hell....  
  
"Actually, the temperature is rather pleasant," he replied, not catching the reference to his....um....well you know...  
  
"You must be my son, Kakarrot!" Bardock said as he...to Goku's embarrassment...hugged his son...tightly...  
  
"Yeah I guess I am," Goku said. "We were just on our way to Amethyst 'City' and we're kinda in a hurry so must be leaving...now..." Rudely Goku rushed away from his father and the other two quickly joined him.  
  
A while later, the three finally saw a far-off purple glow. "The Amethyst 'City'!" Goku cried in jubilation. "Our journey is finally over!" Running the last of the distance, they reached Lovely Frieza's purple stage. There to their amazement....and horror....they saw Gohan. He, Lovely Frieza, and Zarbon were all in engaged in a rather furious argument....over the color of their matching bikinis. They couldn't decide which color looked best for all three...  
  
"...but GoGohan," Lovely Frieza protested.... "GoGohan?" a confused Goku said....  
  
"Lovely Master Frieza," the handsome blue man said..... "Lovely....Master Frieza?" an equally confused Vegeta said.  
  
The three on stage kept on arguing, ignoring the confused three.....  
  
Suddenly Piccolo yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" Everyone turned to stared at him, especially Goku and Vegeta because he had been silent up until now....  
  
"Dear me, sir... You're language is terrible! Nobody says the *f* word in the presence of Lovely Master Frieza.... You are corrupting his innocence!" Zarbon said, looking very stressed.  
  
"Piccolo? Vegeta? Father?! What are you guys doing down here?" GoGohan had now finally noticed the other three.  
  
"Well, son, we were looking for you. We would like for you to return to Earth with us. You don't belong down here."  
  
"Dad, I can't leave now! I've entered the clothes designing with Lovely Frieza. Besides....you can't expect me to just go off and leave my husbands here all alone...." Goku promptly fainted....  
  
When he recovered, he sat up and shouted, "Clothes designing business?! No son of mine will ever do that!" He isn't a very smart man. "Come on, we're going home."  
  
Lovely Frieza laughed at him, "Big silly! Don't you know that you can never go home? You all are stuck down here, forever! Ho ho ho..."  
  
This said, all three fainted.....  
  
When they awoke, several hours later, some big changes had been made in hell....there had also been a very interesting....auction....  
  
Cell had bought Piccolo for the price of four dozen beautiful flower tiaras....they were now happily married and Cell took the unconscious green Namek back to the flower meadow . . . .  
  
Vegeta had been purchased by King Cold and King Vegeta....the price had been relatively cheap...they only had to model in the next three Lovely Frieza Fashion Shows....which they readily agreed to.... And they had to promise that Lovely Frieza could 'borrow' Vegeta some time.... Raditz and Nappa were already planning a trip to the purple castle . . . .  
  
A....nude....Bardock had acquired his son.... Lovely Frieza had gladly given him away so that Bardock would leave as soon as possible.....there are some things even Lovely Frieza doesn't want to see . . . .  
  
~  
  
Hope you don't mind me using your idea for the title, Eric.... I just thought that it was very fitting.... Ok, credit goes to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and I think that's it....well besides myself though.... Of course credit goes to myself....who else would have written some strange piece of shit like this???  
  
~  
  
Once again I would like to say that I am not a homophobe.....just remember to "Hug A Homo Today"! o _ 0 


End file.
